Weekly Baking

This week my sister is in town. SO I think that I am going to tackle quite a few baking projects, so here is the estimated list. I will come back and give you updates as I make the goodies.

1. Mint Chocolate Truffles
2. German Chocolate Cake
3. Strawberry Cheesecake.
4. Homemade Caramels

This is the short list. If anyone has any ideas about what I should bake then I will gladly try to make it.

Help ME

Okay, I am trying to convince Corey to take another family picture. I think the one on the side is nice looking. So I need everyones help in convincing him that we should take one.....

The Story of my childrens birth

I had the worst pregnancy ever. I was so scared all the time. Something in me knew that I was going to go in to pre mature labor though. The story of my babies birth starts when I went to the hospital because I wasn't feeling good. They hooked me up to the machine and realized that I was in active labor. Since the hospital I was at didn't have a NICU they rushed me by ambulance to a hospital that was 20 mins away. Upon arrival, I was placed on magnesium and they gave me a steroid shot. I was so scared; I didn't want my babies to come at 25 weeks. Luckily and unluckily, that time they were able to stop the contractions. In the hospital, the docs thought that my Pre-term labor was due to dehydration so they kept me from Sunday to Thursday. I went home with a zofran pump to control my never ending nausea. At home, I wasn't feeling much better but at least I wasn't puking my guts out. Then on Sunday July 24th 2005 I wasn't feeling my son moving as much. Then I called the hospital to ask if I should come in and they said you are fine. Later that evening, I felt this dropping sensation in my stomach. I made Corey rush me to the hospital. I sent him home and told my mom not to come because I would be fine. All night I was having contractions and pain. They gave me a pain pill so I was in and out but I kept begging for a doctor. They didn't come but I was so drugged up I didn't realize anything. The next morning, I awoke to doctors coming in telling me that they were going to do a c-section because I was still contracting. They checked my cervix and realized that my sons head was already ready to come out. They rushed me in to the operating room and put me under general anesthesia and CJ was born at 10:32 and Rachel made her appearance at 10:36am. My first feelings as a parent was a feeling of failure. I didn't know what to do. I just thought that maybe I did something to deserve this to happen. I have never felt such conflicting feelings in my life. I love my daughter and I don't want to dwell on the loss because the reality is that I am still blessed. I got 8 days with my beautiful son and I have a beautiful daughter. So in honor of my son's memory and my daughters life from the NICu to now here is a slideshow of Miss Rachel.

Random Posts for the day

Right before Thanksgiving, I took the time to tell a few people how much things that they had done for me made me appreciative of them. So many people helped me before Corey came along and I am so greteful for it. Now that isn't to say that people don't help now. It's just to say that my husband is very hell bent on taking care of me and our family. Its just been a rough time the last week or so. Disability has taken its toll on my emotionally. Now I am not completely jacked up. I can still walk around some but it is just so hard to not be able to run and chase after my very crazy child. I know that without Corey, my mom, bro and sis things would be so much harder. Just trying to be appreciative today because it has been a hard last few days for me. Just trying to keep all my blessings in the front of my mind and the my perceived shortcomings in the back of my mind. I am at a point in my life where I am trying to right any wrongs, and trying to make sure that the people that I have had in my life know that they presence was appreciated and i am grateful for them.

Why is it that every person can look back at a relationship and see how terrible a person was for them but they couldn't see it when they were with them. Relationships are fickle things. Remembering back, I can see just how much of an idiot I was. I allowed someone who meant me no good to control my life. That is my fault though. People need to realize that you teach people how to treat you. So I taught people that I was not important. During this holiday season, it is a good time to let people who don't mean you well go.

Rantings of the day

I normally censor myself here. See that is because I tend to be opinionated, and harsh to some people. Now I have been thinking. There is so much more to me than trying to appease the masses. Honestly, I don't give two shits about the masses. So from now on, this is going to be real talk.

So to start off, While I love my daughter to pieces, I am so over being a parent today. I think Rachel realizes it though because she is behaving pretty well. I know, I know, there is going to be a million overzealous parents beating down my door talking about "How could you feel that way. Children are a blessing....blah blah blah" to all those people I will tell you from jump, Kiss My Ass. Parenting is such a full time job. So I love my daughter, anyone that knows me know she is the world to me. Then now I am contemplating whether I want Rachel to believe in Santa. First all the santa stuff I see is a fat white man. Why can't Santa look like her. Now I do realize that they have started creating stuff with black santa but honestly how the hell do you explain that. Do you tell your child that black santa goes to the black kids house and white santa goes to the the white kids houses and asian santa goes to the asian childrens houses. That becomes more lies to tell more crap to create. Now I recognize to some that maybe they think I am overthinking but if my daughter is anything like my niece then there are very real questions that will come up. Then I argue with myself about the purpose of Santa and the purpose of lying to my daughter. How is lying to her going to promote selfless giving? Wouldn't it be more beneficial to show her how to give things away without expecting anything in return?

Then another thing that bothers me about Christmas is the way that people place so much value on to the amount of crap they buy their children. Ever since Rachel was born we have had a really simple thing about gifts. Rachel does not get a lot of stuff. Every Christmas she gets Pajamas because that is a tradition that Corey carries on from when he was younger. They we normally get 1 to 2 toys. Rachel doesn't get a lot of toys at all. Actually, all the toy recalls that have occured during the last few months didn't affect us at all. Then I also get her stuff from the second hand store. I don't remotely feel guilty about it either. Another thing we instituted is that before Christmas every year we go through all of Rachel's toys and give some away to make room for the new toys. My friend Denise gave me that idea. So who needs Santa when I am showing my child selfless giving in real life.

So anyway outside of my christmas rant, I am just having a blah day. I am tired of being in Memphis. I hate this place. I can think of about five other places I would rather be with hell being very close to being on the list. Well I probably should get back to my homework. School sucks.....

Well, It's been a year since I blogged. That hasn't been because my life has been uninteresting. Actually that couldn't be further from the truth. Well lets give the last year in a recap.
1. Moved from Chicago
2. Moved to Memphis
3. Hate it
4. Still Married
5. Still a mommy.......

Well looking at that list it seems like my life has been boring as hell. I don't know what I should tell about. Since I can't think of anything about my boring ass life, I can talk about some thing that I have been noticing. So many people are parents and they never take the time to think how the things they do will affect their children. I am seeing all these generational curses passed on.

Like in my opinion, I believe that the kind of man that your father is makes a big difference in the type of man that little boys are and the type of person that the child picks to date. So with that thought I am seeing a trend of young women who in no specific terms lack self esteem. They allow people to treat them bad under the guise that someone supposedly loves them. Yea fucking right. Someone that loves you doesn't do things to intentionally hurt you all the time. That isn't to say that when you are in love you don't make mistakes that hurt the other person, you just don't do it intentionally all the time.

As parents we are responsible for well being of our children. We must show them a balance between overindulgence and neglect. It is just as harmful to your child when they can't do anything with out you. Parenting like any other thing in life is a balance between and different extremes. Now don't get me wrong, I am not judging nor condeming anyone that parents differently. The reality is just like you deal with different adults that you encounter differently this is the same as with children. Children are individuals. Everyone of them reacts differently to things. Parenting is hard enough with people placing their own issues in to it. Now I might not be considered to know much, I only have a 2 year old but I figure hey, its my blog and my opinion, if you don't like it don't read it. LOL