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Thursday, June 29, 2006
Reflections, Love and Life Current mood: thoughtful
Today, I have been sitting here thinking about how next month my daughter will be one year old. You would think that I would be ecstatic and more than excited but for me it tends to be bittersweet. See for everyone that doesn't know, I had twins last year. My son died 8 days after birth and as it gets closer to the day they were born, I feel my heart breaking all over again. I miss him so much. But then I can' t help but still feel blessed. Because my daughter has overcome so much in this last year. She was only 1lb 9oz at birth and now she is babbling,crawling and doing the things that a full-term 11 month old would do. It's just such a weird feeling for my heart to feel so empty but on the exact same hand it is full. Full with love for my daughter but so empty from the loss of my son. But all I can do is keep pushing on.
Then, something else that I realize is that when it comes to love of the relationship kind, I am blessed. You see, God has brought somebody in to my life who gives me exactly what I need. You see he keeps me on my toes. I have realized that if I had someone who was too nice I would get bored. But Corey is anything but boring. He knows exactly what to do to keep me in line. You see because I know that I can be emotional, hard headed and very cranky. But it doesn't help that he is cranky too. I love this man. He doesn't have a piece of my heart, he owns my heart. I have never been in love like this before. It's that kind of love where even though he might be getting on my last nerve, I know that there isn't anyone else in the world for me. He is the kind of man that I would have wanted my son to grow up to be. He is the kind of man that I want my daughter to strive to be with when she gets older. I am happy and the thing that I love the most about it is that I don't have to pretend or fake with him. He just loves me for me.
As far as life in general, I realize that so many people don't realize the things that they have. It is so easy to dwell on what you don't have. So many people are oblivious to their blessings. Everyone isn't meant to be rich, famous, or skinny for that matter. We were all made differently. Instead of fighting it we should embrace it. Those differences is what makes living in this world so interesting. It gives color to the mundane existances that we would otherwise lead. It is these differences that make me unique. And you know what I wouldn't have it any other way.
Reflections, Love and Life Current mood: thoughtful
Today, I have been sitting here thinking about how next month my daughter will be one year old. You would think that I would be ecstatic and more than excited but for me it tends to be bittersweet. See for everyone that doesn't know, I had twins last year. My son died 8 days after birth and as it gets closer to the day they were born, I feel my heart breaking all over again. I miss him so much. But then I can' t help but still feel blessed. Because my daughter has overcome so much in this last year. She was only 1lb 9oz at birth and now she is babbling,crawling and doing the things that a full-term 11 month old would do. It's just such a weird feeling for my heart to feel so empty but on the exact same hand it is full. Full with love for my daughter but so empty from the loss of my son. But all I can do is keep pushing on.
Then, something else that I realize is that when it comes to love of the relationship kind, I am blessed. You see, God has brought somebody in to my life who gives me exactly what I need. You see he keeps me on my toes. I have realized that if I had someone who was too nice I would get bored. But Corey is anything but boring. He knows exactly what to do to keep me in line. You see because I know that I can be emotional, hard headed and very cranky. But it doesn't help that he is cranky too. I love this man. He doesn't have a piece of my heart, he owns my heart. I have never been in love like this before. It's that kind of love where even though he might be getting on my last nerve, I know that there isn't anyone else in the world for me. He is the kind of man that I would have wanted my son to grow up to be. He is the kind of man that I want my daughter to strive to be with when she gets older. I am happy and the thing that I love the most about it is that I don't have to pretend or fake with him. He just loves me for me.
As far as life in general, I realize that so many people don't realize the things that they have. It is so easy to dwell on what you don't have. So many people are oblivious to their blessings. Everyone isn't meant to be rich, famous, or skinny for that matter. We were all made differently. Instead of fighting it we should embrace it. Those differences is what makes living in this world so interesting. It gives color to the mundane existances that we would otherwise lead. It is these differences that make me unique. And you know what I wouldn't have it any other way.
posted by Neisha @ 12:47 PM
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